If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again. ~Author Unknown
This is to commemorate my late father’s death. It’s almost 19 years!
Tay, wherever you are right now, I hope you are proud of me. I hope you see how much you have influenced my inner being. I hope you see how far I have come because since day one you never cease to believe that I can do it, that I can handle things that come my way.
Thank you for everything Tay. No one can take or replace your spot in my life and in my heart even if I find someone to get married with one to three years from now. (haha) It’s a hard quest but eventually, I’ll get there for sure. I am no Elizabeth Queen or Anne Hathaway but I believe I am beautiful and I am a masterpiece. (Amen!!!)
I miss you so much, Tay. I will cherish and treasure all our shared memories until my dying day or even in life after death if God permits (hopefully).
I have been truly exposed to the city life but the country girl in me will always remain.
I was born and raised in a distant Hacienda of Bago City. I love the place where I was raised even though it has no access to electricity, no good access to potable water, and the road is still not constructed up to these days.
Since birth, till I reached 15, I stayed in Hacienda though after turning 11 I already had the chance to explore the city life as my parents sent me to one of the private schools in Bacolod.
I really had a hard time finishing my Elementary years as I had to walk more than an hour every day in order to get to school. I had to wake up at 5 in the morning to prepare our breakfast, feed chickens, bring all the goats to the farm so they can eat fresh and green grass that is essential for their growth, and then proceed to spring, take a bath, have ourselves cleaned and get ready to travel to school. During that time it was mandatory for us to get to school before the flag ceremony or else we will get punished. Punishments include cleaning the School’s CR, cleaning up the playground or stay out standing in front of the flag pole until the bell rang for break time. At a young age, I had already been taught how to be responsible not just for my studies but also to all my other little siblings.
The good thing I like about my childhood experiences was that my other siblings and I kept helping each other to get the entire-morning task done quickly so we could head over our school and arrived on time.
As I grow up, the entire aspects of my being were also intensifying. My father was a great and responsible man. Despite his countless obligations to my mother, to me, to the rest of my siblings, and to the cooperative which he was affiliated with; he still managed to propose and venture baking-business. He bought a set of baking materials to build a small bakery near our house.
He hired another family man to do the baking for us. During his free time, he tried to learn how to bake and he even encouraged me and the rest of my siblings to learn the process of baking and selling bread. Since I don’t have an older brother, my late father assigned me to deliver all baked goodies to our avid customers. During those times the only ways we can travel fast is through running and through horseback riding. What I was truly thankful for was that, we have 5 horses which make our transportation a lot faster and easier.
To be able to deliver baked goodies I had to ride my favorite horse which is also my pet and I call her Trisha. For several years, Trisha helped us a lot. I was sad though as we had to sell Trisha due to financial instability after my father passed away.
My father’s death has really made our lives miserable, though it also taught me to be strong, brave, and wise. He was the only man I look up to and when he died, I felt like everything have been taken from me. I felt like the world stopped from revolving. I didn’t know what to do, how to move on and how to live my life without him in our side. I felt so sad; I grieved deep within and even up to now I still do. Yes, I still cry a lot every time I remember him. Probably because I so miss him that I just can’t help but cry every time I remember the wonderful memories he shared with me and with my other siblings. On the other hand, I am also happy and thankful that he is at peace with the Lord now. I believe God loves him and deep within my heart, I know the good Lord saved him as he was a good and a faithful man.
Despite the hardships that the rest of my siblings and I had gone through in the absence of our father we still survived and managed to live a good life. In my father’s grave, I promise to pursue all my dreams, to take care of my siblings and my mother, as well as to find a man who possesses the good qualities he has. The truth is my search is not over yet. lol!
An email from a boss has brought tears to my beautiful and expressive eyes.LOL At times it’s pretty hard to face twists and turns in our lives but it could also be a brand new start for a better tomorrow.
The past years of my life has really been a roller coaster ride, I got faltered, some of my dreams got shattered, I worried and cried too much, I lose and gain weight, people that I expected to remain the same acted like strangers and didn’t seem to care, the person I admire, love and care the most did hurt me so badly and even made me feel so empty deep within.
I came to a point that I wanted to just stop breathing but God lifted me up. Nobody knows my struggles at all, only God and myself and now that I am free from the bondage of the past, I am happy to say that I have moved on and finally let go of all the pain in my heart. I just hope and pray for better days to come and for my happiness to endure till the last moment of my journey.
To those people who choose to remain the same, and choose to treat me right despite of my shortcomings, thank you so much. God knows just how much I appreciate everyone of you. Hugs!!!